Dating older women may seem like a satisfying prospect. But there are certain complications and disadvantages to the experience. And even if you have had a meaningful relationship at first, there are certain inevitable mistakes you can do or condone that could eventually lead to your relationship’s permanent demise. Take Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore as an example. We all thought they were a golden couple. But after 6 years of wedded bliss, they filed for divorce. If you want to avoid making the same errors in judgment, here are some things you must avoid doing as younger men dating older women.
a. Expecting that you will grow together as a couple. This may be something you can look forward to with someone your own age. But you should accept early on that you and your mature partner will not be treading the same road. She was ahead of you intellectually, emotionally and professionally even before you got together so you should learn not to be insecure. Accept that you’re trailing behind her and be content with coexisting in different planes so you can make things last longer.
b. Not taking the time to establish the same life goals. Now, just because you are not on the same level, doesn’t mean you do not have to come to a certain understanding of what you want to achieve out of the relationship and when. You may not be exploring the same path, but you could at least wait for each other at crossroads.
c. Asking her to agree with you on the same things. She was obviously exposed to a different generation. You can’t just assume she’d be completely on board with your ideas once you’ve exposed her to your influences. Ninety percent of the time, you will not be meeting eye to eye. So just develop respect towards your individuality and not let the diversity get in the way of a harmonious cohabitation.
d. Forcing your family and friends to each other. No one feels comfortable with May-December love affairs. So you can’t make public acceptance a criterion for your relationship. Don’t take it against your partner if she does not feel comfortable hanging around with your friends and family. And don’t feel odd about her not inviting you to her events. You need to be able to function independently so you don’t accidentally wear out the relationship’s foundation with external concerns.
e. Looking forward to things staying the same. This is probably the biggest mistake younger men dating older women make and vice versa. May-December love affairs are no more special that other relationships. The excitement dissipates over time. And it will take a lot of work to reconnect interests. It’s great when an inhibited, career-driven 30 year old meets a spontaneous, aimless 20 year old and complete what each other lacks. But ten years down the road, the same premise will not exist anymore. There is need to prepare for change and adjustments if you intend to take dating older women further.